So many days
throughout the year
I drink my cup of herbal cheer.
It warms the body
and calms the soul.
No fragrance, tint or taste is missed,
in Nature’s wonderous
Adapted from My Hawaiian Garden
by Hawaii Poet Don Blanding
Found this lovely poem on the box of some tea I purchased in Kauai the last time we visited there. The cup pictured above was give to me by my friend Tobi…an amazing author, poet, mountain bike rider, champion of women’s empowerment, and fellow “squiggle.” It’s my favorite bug to drink tea in. It’s what I am drinking tea in as I type this post. Somethings are just mean to be…this mug is mean to filled with tea at all times!
With this mother’s day come many sentiments..visually, at stores, on tv and all sort of social media. And I love it! It reminds me to the amazing mama you are and always will be. I hate the fact that you are so far away, but comforted that you are in my heart and head! I am still trying to figure and work on this thing called life. And so far I think I am doing ok. Being a mom…being a parent is one of the hardest things ever! And I am coming into understanding of some of the many things you must have went through. Even more, you came to a new country without any of your family to create one of your own. You are brave, courageous, true and full of spunk and and attitude and for that I am grateful. Sorry to not call more….one day I too will wonder why my girls don’t call more…but until then know this…..I love you and am so thankful for the life you and dad gave Raj and I. Happy Mother’s day Mom!
Today is the first day of Evolve…MINDBODY!
Took an awesome class at REV SLO! Spin & Gunz……I haven’t sweated like that in a long time! Last time was when I took a class from my friend Sue! I’m really amped about this and hoping it will make a lasting impression…it will! More ON REV SLO tomorrow…have to get some sleep as I have a 5am team training to go to before I work at 6am. Here we go…..!
Today is the first day of school….for both my babies. Isara is starting 2nd grade. Our youngest, Tamra, is starting kindergarten. We all walked to school this morning. After taking Isa to her new class and getting her settled in (which was no problem…she is so excited!), we headed over to the kinder area. There, we noticed the window blinds that normally look out to the play area were closed…that’s because that’s where all the parents were standing. They quickly lined all the kids up and basically whisked them away. For some reason I thought we would get to stay in the classroom, but this way is better…allows the kids to get to know their teachers and such. I didn’t cry…yet.
Trevis and I walked home, and suddenly realized how quiet it is. We then got a bit sad. He then played a song on YouTube…Remember When by Alan Jackson. He was outside, getting his truck ready for work, and I was inside filling out the endless forms for school. I still didn’t cry through the song.
After listening to it, I realized that song was more about a couple….us. I said that to Trevis. He had his glasses on, and I started crying and then realized that he was crying. He never cries. It was one of the most happiest days of my life…today….because my husband was releasing himself to me in a way that he had done only a few times before. I know, silly that I am so happy that my husband is crying…..but it brought us closer. We cried some more in each others arms in a strong bear hug hold, especially after we realized Tamra and Isara aren’t there to tell daddy…”Please stay daddy, please don’t go to work.” I think that really got to him. I love him. I like him.
He eventually had to go to work, and as he drove off, I walked in the home and I cried and cried.
But added to my crying was that I was missing my mom on her birthday. Happy Birthday Mama!!!!
I cried for my close friend, Jodi, who is fighting the fight for her life against cancer, a second time.
I cried for her family.
I cried for my girls and hoping they live a happy, safe and full life.
I cried for the chance I was given that allowed me to stay home with my girl this past year.
I cried at the fact that I almost gave all this up last year.
I am crying knowing, that my babies are growing everyday, and one day they will leave our nest.
Now what to do. After I am done typing this, what do I do. All those lists I have, all the things I want to get done…now is my chance right. Bittersweet.
Move on. Cause in a few hours, I will get to pick those lovely creatures up from school and hear all about their first day. And then we start again. And it gets easier….right?
Have you heard of Danielle LaPorte? Well you should! She is one my favorite authors and inspirationalist…is that even a word…it should be! Her words inspire me and transform thinking! She created this manifesto and it’s now part of my collection too! May it inspire you!
While looking in my shed…yes just looking..because working on it would be cleaning and organizing it…and I was just looking! So looking in my shed I came across many old papers and things…
This was one of them printed on parchment paper:
Rules for Being Human
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be your for the duration.
2. You will learn lessons: you are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lesson or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of tria-and-erro and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works.”
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lesson does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better than “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Others are simply mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you make of them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you have to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
Not sure where this came from. And some of it resonates for me at different times. But I like it…hope you do to! Funny what you can find when you’re really not looking for it!
Sometimes I wonder, what am I doing as a parent? Am I really cut out for this…the hardest job ever. It really is hard. I’m mama to two healthy girls, yet I sometimes wonder how they are doing emotionally as a result of my lack of knowledge.
This morning while walking the girls to school, I said my goodbyes, knowing I had a 9am yoga class to make. I let them know earlier that I won’t be able to stay for am recess before school begins. I said good bye to Isa, and then walked Tamra the rest of the way to the black top so she could play. She asked me if I could play handball with her. I should have just simply reminded her that I had a class to go to, but instead I made a less than desirable motion with my shoulders and shrugged, which basically said without words, “don’t you remember what we talked about this morning?” She right away turned back from me and said, never mind. I did say goodbye to her with a kiss and hug and watched for a minute or two before walking back home. Half way home on the walk, tears came up as I wished I could go back……take back that stupid shrug that didn’t make her feel so good and just have explained. I want them to explain things to me, so why couldn’t I have just explained things to her? ARGH!
It’s a struggle..finding time…making that time quality….trying to teach them and show them the right things to do….show myself the right things to… emulate the behavior I come to expect.
I know deep down inside all they want is our time. The things are a nice surprise, but the time is what counts. I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t always make use of that time for quality….and I have a to do list that I need to just burn…in fact I will! But realizing that the time I do have with them is important and precious. Making use with time together, staying off the computer, and the to do list…..sitting with them, talking with them, helping, and showing. Maybe I think about things to much……I know I do. I know I’m not alone in this.
It had been two weeks since I last went to yoga…and after attending, I felt more at peace…trying to breathe in the constant of intention with the words gentle and present. Giving my breathe to allow me to be gentle in my words and thoughts. Giving my breathe to be present in what ever I was doing in the moment.
I came home to an empty home, but went in to the girls room, and started cleaning. NOt so much cleaning, but more organizing, so their room would be a bit better to be in. And even though I had asked them to do this many times over, I just wanted to be among their things, helping. My goal in writing this is to remind myself to be gentle with my thoughts…be present with my time…and live a life that is simple with these simple words. It can be harder than one thinks…but can also be done. Be gentle with yourself and be present. Let me know how you are doing.