Today is the first day of school….for both my babies. Isara is starting 2nd grade. Our youngest, Tamra, is starting kindergarten. We all walked to school this morning. After taking Isa to her new class and getting her settled in (which was no problem…she is so excited!), we headed over to the kinder area. There, we noticed the window blinds that normally look out to the play area were closed…that’s because that’s where all the parents were standing. They quickly lined all the kids up and basically whisked them away. For some reason I thought we would get to stay in the classroom, but this way is better…allows the kids to get to know their teachers and such. I didn’t cry…yet.
Trevis and I walked home, and suddenly realized how quiet it is. We then got a bit sad. He then played a song on YouTube…Remember When by Alan Jackson. He was outside, getting his truck ready for work, and I was inside filling out the endless forms for school. I still didn’t cry through the song.
After listening to it, I realized that song was more about a couple….us. I said that to Trevis. He had his glasses on, and I started crying and then realized that he was crying. He never cries. It was one of the most happiest days of my life…today….because my husband was releasing himself to me in a way that he had done only a few times before. I know, silly that I am so happy that my husband is crying…..but it brought us closer. We cried some more in each others arms in a strong bear hug hold, especially after we realized Tamra and Isara aren’t there to tell daddy…”Please stay daddy, please don’t go to work.” I think that really got to him. I love him. I like him.
He eventually had to go to work, and as he drove off, I walked in the home and I cried and cried.
But added to my crying was that I was missing my mom on her birthday. Happy Birthday Mama!!!!
I cried for my close friend, Jodi, who is fighting the fight for her life against cancer, a second time.
I cried for her family.
I cried for my girls and hoping they live a happy, safe and full life.
I cried for the chance I was given that allowed me to stay home with my girl this past year.
I cried at the fact that I almost gave all this up last year.
I am crying knowing, that my babies are growing everyday, and one day they will leave our nest.
Now what to do. After I am done typing this, what do I do. All those lists I have, all the things I want to get done…now is my chance right. Bittersweet.
Move on. Cause in a few hours, I will get to pick those lovely creatures up from school and hear all about their first day. And then we start again. And it gets easier….right?
Today I cry cause I miss Jodi.
I cry know that time is precious, and my girls are growing up so fast…I just want to cuddle with them.
I cry wishing I could be closer in proximity to my brother. He is only five hours away, but still far.
I cry at my anger that sometimes get’s the best of me and my time.
I can only hope, move on and do what I am doing, knowing my girls, my family is safe and happy.
Tears, I have to remember, are also shed for the happy times…the times to cherish, the times to have now.
And if you want to cry some more, listen to these country songs! They’re on YouTube, so be patient with the upload times! Videos helped me become a country music fan, because of the stories told. Have some Kleenex handy and a cup of tea. And know…..it’s ok to cry.