This year marks the year I turn 50. Sounds weird to say that. This first half of the year was what I realize a slight depression for me. Looking back I was feeling very down about the state I was in, both mentally and physically. I believe this to be my true mid-life crisis. I have been finding many ways to get my self out of this funk, but it has been hard. As my teens grow, full of independence, my role as mom is changing. I will forever be their mom, but they aren’t as needy as I would like them to be…I think that is what it comes down to. Then my partner relationship with Trevis is full of ups and downs. As he transitions into retirement, I am full speed ahead at work. I think these are good things, but we are searching for each other again and I am hopeful he finds me and I find him. We are working on it-always. Then my relationship with me. I have lost me. At times I wonder what am I here for, and again I ask what is my purpose. I am thankful for the posts on social media by the writer of Finding Joy. She has created moving words of wisdom that have struck a cord with me, encouraging me to keep up with my writing. Today is a turning point for me because,I again, realize that when in doubt, go outside and then write. And write some more.
As I started to look at my blog and do some redesigning, I noticed some unpublished writing I still had in draft form. This one caught my eye and made me smile! I wrote it when I was 17, and I must have copied it onto this computer from my journal to later publish. I’m impressed with how wise I was back then! Thankful to have found this and looking forward to a better second half of this year as 50 comes up in December!.
Some Random thoughts that keep coming to me that I must share with you! Have a cup of tea…chai tea, your favorite, as you read~
So here you are on the cusp of becoming a senior, you last year of high-school! If I have anything to say to you, it is this…..be free of commitments that tie or weigh you down. The world is too big of place to be tied down to anything or anyone right now. Explore and see all that you can, for life will surprise you. After graduation, you will soon be on your way to a London Study program for a semester! Make the most of this experience, for who knows when you will have this opportunity again to see the other side of the world!? I hope you do! But embrace all there is about this journey!
Even though you don’t care for your weight right now, know that you are healthy, playing tennis, on the dance and drill teams and making the most of your last year!
Explore different languages, meet people and attempt to talk to them in their tongue and culture. Always be aware of yourself and surroundings, and don’t explore in fear, but rather in curiosity and care. Take time to keep your healthy habits flowing with activity everyday and hearty, wholesome eating habit-you’ll be happier in the future for this little step of self care.
Don’t give up on your ideals and the goals you set out to do. And know that it’s ok to change your goals, but follow through as much as you can. Keep journals so you have memories in your written word to look back to.
Realize that anger can be controlled and that having a clear, calm and steady voice will help you overcome your fears.
Don’t settle for less than what you believe. Hold true to your ideals and faith and be strong to your convictions.
The life ahead of you will be full and happy, but also trying and poignant. Cherish every minute of it! Above all, practice the art of gratitude and giving. Find ways to help others in need; whether it be a small way or a grand statement…help others. Be thankful for your unique nature for there is only one of you in the world! Be thankful for where you came from, where you are, and where you may be going.
In Love and In Like forever…..
ps.-don’t underestimate the power of the written word, computers and technology will be your friend, but don’t be slave to them, go outside often and drink lots of water!
I journal-ed this poem on March 1st, 2019, knowing that this is the month of the woman and March 8 was International Women’s Day. I was inspired by my mom, my daughter’s and my friends. I hope to share this everywhere!
For I thrive on the backs of those before me,
Who let me push the full weight of my soul,
Upon their fighting minds and wise ways.
They, who saw themselves as not inferior,
Not to be owned,
Not to be ignored.
For theirs is a might unlike anything in this world,
A wonder upon which to be revered.
A roar meant to be heard.
We stand alongside humankind,
Being kind, working hard, adding value to…
Thank you to the many of my kind.
The many who fought, the many who continue to fight,
To protect our place in the human race……
Where we all could…
YES! It happened! Back in September through my workplace, MINDBODY! Met Michelle Obama and then for my birthday weekend, got spend time with my bro and best buds, seeing Michelle speak on her book tour! Pics below.
As this year comes to an end, there are alot of changes in store for this new year. As nervous as some of our decisions have been, we work through those nerves, knowing our happiness in heart and health has exponentially increased! My goal is to write more, purge more and live simple in happiness and health with my family! I wish the same for you all too! Thanks you 2018! Cheers to 2019!
Here we go again!
So many amazing things this year! 2018 will go down in my herstory as the year I met Michelle Obama, the year I celebrated five years with MINDBODY (through which meeting Michelle happened!), year of Tamra surpassing my height! Year of Isara winning over her mind and spirit to play what she loves, the year for Trevis to find his heart and health, the year of Becoming with my best buds. The year of spending time quality time with my parents and brother. But there is more to become and my key takeaway for this list and for this year is to not work and live and decide in fear. Rather stride and “swerve,” ahead, in kindness. I may not be rich in money or material goods, but I am in friendship, family and spirit of hope and forever thankful for change. It’s time to dig in Rani cause half a century is just around the corner! Oh the places you will go!
1. Cycle more
2. Clean eat
3. Meal prep
4. Write letters and cards
5. Meditate regularly
6. Drink lots of water
7. Journal and blog
8. Donate stuff
9. Spend less
10. Daily walks with Slider
11. Use cook books
12. Clean out trailer
13. Attempt garden
14. Make more art
15. Smile more
16. Read with girls
17. Take family to museums
18. Learn more about local politics
19. Bake for co workers /team
20. More hikes
21. See English Beat
22. Teach henna class
24. Help Isa Drive
25. Play Minecraft with Tamra
26. Play board games with family
27. Have friends over
28. Turmeric tea everyday
29. Take picture challenges
30. Clean out computer in boxes
31. Grow herbs
33. Take class
34. Save money
35. Try passive income
36. Print this list and too it if I want
37. Know that it’s ok not to finish this list and carry through to next year
39. Give more hugs
49. Learn guitar
There it is.
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In a world full of screens, we forget to look up and make eye contact, and then use our breath to create words, and our ears to listen. I like the simplicity in the book! It come from a Buddhist perspective, but it’s open for everyone to take in and learn from and use.
My favorite part that resonated with me was the one on Being Kind. For the simple reason that it is just nice. Especially now in a world full of uncertainty…..being kind as a base for all decisions is a damn good idea!
It’s a quick read full of wonderful chapters:
- Why Conversation?
- Be Mindful
- Be Kind
- Enrich your World
- Strive for Conversational Excellence
I think anyone would enjoy and have something to gain from reading this book!!!! See below for pictures!
2018 is here! So as another year begins, a new list…specifically…a new 48 things to do before I am 49 list. And since my birthday was in December, I am already behind a few days.
But not to worry, as I am keeping my list simple, doable, and pleasant! Those things in RED means they are done, or in the process. I will elaborate on each through this year to help me document.
- Walk/Jog/Run-make it a habit.
- Write and write some more.
- Purge and Purge and donate alot, thus clean out sheds.
- See movies in theaters with my girls. Jumanji 1/2/18
- See movies in theaters with my parents and Raj.
- Stop forcing Trevis to do things I want to do-ask him just once, but do them..even if alone. Jumanji 1/2/18.
- Make home-made pizza.
- Drink lots more water….no fancy gadgets…just a glass filled with water a few more times a day more than you do now.
- Regular walks with Slider-she likes to walk too!
- Do one 5k on my own every month. No medals that you send money away for. Instead, after you finish one, donate the money you would have spent on a virtual 5k, to a charity.
- Give more hugs…cause when you give them, you are really getting them too!
- Work harder at work. Cause it feels good to work hard.
- Find paint color for inside house and get samples.
- Paint inside of house.
- Detail & Clean car.
- Purge old photos from phone.
- Cook with the girls.
- Bike with Tam to school.
- Be calm and learn to breath before arguing.
- Paint rocks and leave them in places for others to find.
- Geo Cache with the girls.
- Make lists in bullet journal.
- Print this out and post. 1/2/18
- Attend Women’s rally in slo and other place if possible.
- Learn to Knit.
- Yoga when you can.
- Make valentines day treats. Cause Heart day is a sweet day.
- See dermatologist for skin tags and body scan.
- Write letters to girls for them to open later in their lives.
- Build something out of wood.
- Repaint the mailbox stand.
- Make calendar for parents.
- Visit Trevis’s parents.
- Call friends to say hi.
- Send letters to say hi.
- See butterflies.
- Take girls to Getty Museum.
- Visit Muir Woods.
- Make sandcastle.
- Compile book of poetry, your own.
- Plan a big party for your 50th!-Even though it’s two years away!
- Hang out with Brother more than you did last year.
- Be thrifty when spending money and make it money well spent.
- Call mom and dad once a week.
- Add more to this list if you want.
- Learn to let go. It’s ok cause those things meant to stay, will.
- Smile more.
+get more sleep
+attempt to make Timpano (yes! From one of my favorites movies, Big Night!
Today I turned 48……
1. Woke up with kisses and hugs from Trev and the girls!
2. Hung at home with a sick Tam for a bit, and then got call from parents in India!
3. Went into work where desk was decorated! Thanks to Dani and my team!
4. Went to Bar Method and was surprised with cheers and flowers and a great workout!
5. Went back to work to an amazing salad bar potluck! Love the people I work with!
6. Then played bowling with teammates at work with these amazing oversized pins!
7. Drove to basketball practice and was sung happy birthday twice by the team and parents!
8. On way home got free Sylvester’s burger and free Starbucks drink. Saved for later!
9. When home was sung to again by family and opened tub of popcorn, new earbuds, and a sweet handmade card!
10. Went back out to cal poly gym to workout with Idona and Chuy! And Raj and fam called and they sing it again!
11. After, Idona treated me out to dinner at Santa Cruz Taqueria and girl chat time!
12. Came home and read all my messages from near and far!
It was a damn good day!!!
Sometimes the best way to find yourself is to look to the past. Some old scrapbook layouts…my journal…of years gone by.